It wasnt a trick

Because today, like any other day is just the same for me. I am beat up. If I could donate my life to someone I would do so.
So I won't have to repeat these days anymore. So that I could put a stop to it. I am bad person and I try to be a good one but all of my effort seems goes to waste. If you were there Allah. Help me please. I know you were there. You always have can't you see me struggling with life?? Can't You help me please? I am fucking weak and depressed. I wanted Your help. But I don't know where were You. I try to find You but it seems I don't get any of answer for my previous calls. I don't want to think that bad but my heart is questioning things that I shouldn't or the things that I'd already know the answer..
You know how my head is playing trick with me. Its messed up with my mind.