The Malay Girl Who Knows Nothing

I might be a queer but I believe in god. I believe in my religion and that's why I wanted to change. I know what I felt is wrong. There's no way I could win against my creator by defying His rules. I would sure be in doomed. I know I was wrong and I don't want people to join me. I believe in my religion because it makes me feel better. I feel good, I feel peace. Pray for me to be a better person and to get over my feelings. Pray that Allah still loves me and help me out.

Your touches makes me nervous. I dream of kissing someone I don't know. She's a girl. Always a girl in many dream that I had. My dream always get wild. My head is wild. This is obviously a sin I know darn well. But I can't help it. Confusion struck me all the time. I don't want to be me. I don't wish to be this way.

I know that it's useless to hear my confession now. But yes at that time I wasn't realized that I'd actually like you. Those feelings that messing around in my mind really confused me. But I know for sure that at that time I want to be with you. I cannot see you with someone else. I get jealous if someone is around you. I want to be near you and gets very clingy and needy. I didn't understand why I acted that way but now I know that I do have feelings for you at that time. Yes we are bff and still. I admit it I loved you. I was in love with you. You're all I see back then. Its weird tho. Because you're a girl like me. I still remember I'd always wanted to sleep on your bed every night and how you smells so nice, the shampoo and the soap you used, the minty smell of your breath. Its crazy to think that how creepy am I at that time. Even sometimes your smells caught in my bed and pillows and because of that I cuddle my pillow so tight thinking it was you I...