The Malay Girl Who Knows Nothing

I am twisted. I know I was always wrong. The worst and horrible part of it is that I lead myself to it. Yes I regret for what I did and done. But I admit this lust keep me high, sober and forget. And of course I felt that I am loved even just for seconds. Even if it just my imagination. A trick that played in my head repeatedly. I know that i am a sinner that I would be punish and there is no escape from it. I failed everyone else and i failed myself. I felt hurt and sad most of the time. So i did what I had to do. I was lonely and always alone. There's a void in my heart. I wish i am not this dark, corrupted and twisted.

I would sacrifice my gay heart.... I would put a leash to it... I would act like nothing happen... Like I didn't feel anything.. Because of You.. I rather not be happy.. I choose to be in pain.. Nobody could makes me happy.. I would never be that way.. Taunting me in this way.. But grant me my wishes.. I'll do anything for you.. Rather than selling my soul for these thirsty lust that I had once. To devils that live in the dark.. In darkness I devoured this temporary happiness.. Like a drug addict living without the antidote..and now i surrender myself as for this is not worthy.. As this is destruction. Like im killing myself slowly.

Peace be upon you. "It will mean nothing without you..." So I really love this song by WILDES (illuminates) just wanted to share with whoever passing by my  blog. Glad that I had visitor(s).  The reason why I wrote in this blog is to express my feelings and share my unimportant experiences  as a loser. I believe I am a loser no need to explain more about it. Saved it for the next time.  The thing is with me, I'm really good at giving advice  to others, but me myself sometimes failed to  understand the whole point of it. I hate myself. I hate myself because i expect myself to do more like  what I'd imagined I can. So, when I can't it hurt me so much. I wish someone would understand my  situation but how can they do that, when I didn't try to open up to them. I know that its all my fault  but i'm already tired of blaming myself I need a break. At some point it was so intense and depressing  and I wouldn't...